As told to Rose Radtke
We caught up with Abbie Dillon, a 39-year-old wellbeing coach and personal trainer based in Deptford. Abbie runs her own wellbeing programme called Piece of Health, offering personal training, group classes and wellbeing coaching. She lives with her partner Joe, who is a skip driver, and their son Ralph, who has just turned 3. Ralph is in nursery five days a week using the 30 hours funding scheme – costing just £140 a month.
“Ralph is in nursery 8.45 – 2.45pm, five days a week. We chose to send him to nursery so he could socialise with other children – he was home with me for the first two years and he’s an only child. His confidence over the last 14 months has really blossomed. Nursery costs us £140 for the month, which is amazing, but that funding didn’t come in until Ralph was two. If there had been better options I could have gone back to work sooner.
“I wouldn’t say I made a career change after having Ralph but it did feel like I had to go back to square one, which was financially hard. I’ve never had to rely on anybody financially before, so this has been a difficult journey for me.
“I’m currently delivering up to 20 sessions a week. I’m self-employed and work from the FitFun Active studios in Deptford, and various parks or halls. My role is very flexible, but the hours can be unsociable – I generally work evenings or weekends. Around delivering sessions, I’m responsible for marketing, finance, admin and all the other jobs that come with running a business.
“I do all the drop-offs and pick-ups. Of a morning we generally wake up and get ready together, have breakfast, and I drop off Ralph. I’ll then head for morning personal training sessions or group classes until around 1pm, which gives me an hour to do admin and prep dinner. I pick up Ralph, and head back to work from 5.30-8pm.
“If Ralph is sick, my mum is sometimes available or I rearrange sessions and get cover for classes. My clients are pretty flexible and understand I’m a mum, so will change sessions when they can. During school holidays I do have to pay for extra nursery hours and condense my days where I can.
“I do at times feel like a ‘single/married mum’ and have had to fight for my right to continue pursuing my dream job. Support from family is limited but my mum does help when she can. She’s not very mobile and has my stepdad to take care of, so can’t always commit.
“Logistically the hardest part of my setup is having to work evenings. It isn’t that many hours but I do get mum guilt. I struggle to manage the mental load at times. I remember going through a stage where I just felt like I was failing at everything, facing criticism from some work individuals and family members as I wasn’t meeting their expectations – which was the hardest. But now Ralph is in nursery, it has got easier. Having that reliable childcare has given me back valuable resources like time and support.
“Working and being in contact with other mums is such a powerful thing – we all get it. Just visiting TWMC once, the sense of community and support I felt was like magic. The day I visited Ralph was tired and a bit restless – all the mums helped me calm him down and entertain him whilst I had a meeting. I didn’t feel alone or judged. I felt supported and cared for.
“I’m turning 40 this week and have set myself a big goal for this decade work-wise. My work pattern will change as I plan to launch the Piece of Health programme properly, so I’ll need to add extra hours to my day. I’ll be using a coworking space for my extra office hours.
“My advice to other working mums? Be kind to yourself. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, believe in you and reach out for help when you need it. If this help isn’t in your current circle, look at initiatives such as TWMC and build a new one. You are stronger than you think. You got this!”
