If you’re reading this while bouncing a toddler on your knee or stealing five minutes during nap time and this feels familiar, chances are you’re experiencing what researchers are calling ‘matrescence’. Matrescence is a profound identity shift that happens when you become a mother. And it’s surprisingly common.
If you’re feeling like you’ve lost yourself somewhere on the rocky road between your career and motherhood, you’re absolutely not alone.
She’s got ‘baby brain’
Let’s start with the facts. Research shows that the majority of working mothers face discrimination and believe having children has negatively impacted their career.
Make no mistake: it’s not because we become less capable once we give birth. It’s because the system hasn’t caught up with the superhumans we become.
You’ve probably heard the term ‘baby brain’ being thrown at you in the depths of your sleep deprivation, but science has proven that ‘baby brain’ is actually very cool (once you’ve accepted the odd embarrassing mind blank). After giving birth, your brain redesigns itself, trimming old connections and building new ones. It expands to hold more complexity and empathy, rendering you more capable than ever before.
So really, becoming a mother doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means becoming a more complex, multifaceted version of who you’ve always been.
She’s changed (but her workplace hasn’t)
Most workplaces are still designed for a world where someone else (usually a woman) handles everything at home. They expect you to have a baby, take a few months off to teach it to self soothe, and then slot back into your old role as if nothing’s changed. At the same time, they assume you’re now less committed because you’re a mum and can therefore limit your opportunities for promotion or a pay rise.
LSE’s research shows that UK working mothers face an ongoing tension. “If you put your identity as a mother first, then your career suffers, or if you focus too much on your career, then you may have to outsource care for your children. That tension is never fully resolved.”
But look at many Nordic countries, where the motherhood wage gap is significantly lower thanks to public policies that actively support gender equality and work-family balance. When’s the UK going to catch up? Here at TWMC, we’re done waiting for someone else to figure it out.
She doesn’t know who she is anymore
Or does she? Perhaps, rather than losing your sense of self, you’ve evolved?
What if, instead of choosing between ‘career you’ and ‘mum you’, you could be both, in the same space? What if your toddler could be happily playing next door while you’re smashing your latest presentation?
At The Working Mums Club, that dream can become a reality. We’ve got all the facilities you need for a solid day’s work, plus professional and personal development workshops, networking opportunities, weekend childcare slots and family bonding activities. Here you can evolve seamlessly as your family grows and your career changes.
She belongs here
We know you can be brilliant at spreadsheets AND reading bedtime stories. You don’t have to be defined by your job title or your child at The Working Mums Club. You can spend your time in the company of women who know both sides of you: the strategic thinker and the one who knows how to negotiate with a three-year-old on a sugar comedown.
There’s a lot of talk about the ‘invisible load’, but we’re here taking action. We’ve designed our childcare to work around you as a mother and not you working around childcare. No more calculating the quickest route from nursery to the office or the signal dropping as your train enters a tunnel. You’ll be at your desk with a hot cup of coffee just a couple of minutes after dropping off your little one with our wonderful nursery team.
She’s human
While The Open University launches a campaign addressing the ‘motherhood penalty’ and other organisations slowly wake up to supporting working mothers, we’re actively building a real solution.
The Working Mums Club isn’t about helping you balance your competing worlds. It’s a space where all the facets of your life can thrive together. Here, being a mum doesn’t make you less professional, it makes you more human. And in our experience, the most human leaders are usually the best ones.
She’s mum, and then some
You haven’t lost your ambition, or somehow become less intelligent. You haven’t stopped being the person who had strong opinions about business deals or got excited about new opportunities. You’ve just become someone who also happens to know the words to every song from Bluey and can change a nappy one handed while on a client call.
What mothers want is not to be more than ‘mum’. You want to be everything you’ve always been, AND mum. For people to call you by your name and not ‘Mum of xx’.
Don’t forget, you can help other mums rediscover their sense of self, too. Something as small as adding another mum you meet under their own name in your phone, not their child’s, can make a big difference.
If this has resonated with you, you’re exactly who we’re looking for. We can’t wait to meet you.
If you’re ready to stop choosing between who you were and who you’ve become, we want you in our club. Find out more and join our waiting list here.
